2 Hours Traffic

The Johnson Boys

 

Here they are....Bob and his boys. 

40 years apart :::smirk:::

Happy Easter/Spring!

The Fightin' Irish

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day!

A little "traditional" Irish music (LOL) for you!  Flogging Molly's "Drunken Lullaby."

I am home sick (already), but I still took pictures of the boys yesterday in between hacking up a lung.  They are at day care today....I am hoping that I don't spread the plague to them.

By the way, I didn't pose them in the bottom photo...that was all on their own!  They look like a couple of little punks.   :-D

I hope you had a Happy St Patrick's Day and are feeling (much) better than I am!

Killer bunnies, pretty princesses and a letter on grieving.

A very random post....

First, the boys and a big bunny!  Grandma and Grandpa Hartmann are giving this Easter Bunny away at the store and we thought we should have the boys meet her before she finds a new home.  It was one of those not-so-stellar photoshoots, but Kian ended up looking pretty content at the end...Finn's dramatic cries required us to remove him from the scene.

Next, I wanted to share this letter with you all.  I have debated for over a year if I should share something like this on my blog.  Today, I ran across this on a pregnancy/child loss board I frequent sometimes.  It is the best and most comprehensive example I have seen.

I hesitate to share this because I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I have received so much wonderful support from so many, and I have appreciated EVERY word and EVERY act of kindness that has come my way.  However, I have found along the way, that sometimes we don't always know what to say.  I have been guilty of some of the things (in some form) mentioned below, so I know the intention behind the words are good.  This is not a hand-slap, it is simply a PSA. 

Not every parent who experiences loss is bothered by every statement below.  We are all different.  Some of the statements I did not receive (most though) and some of the statements and actions didn't bother me, but for other people, they do hurt.  On every board or discussion I've had with other women who have lost children through miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss, I have found pretty consistently that they agree with all or most of the letter below (the do's and the dont's) Again, my intent is simply to share.

What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss:
A letter from women to their friends and family
by Elizabeth Soutter Schwarzer

When women experience the loss of a child, one of the first things they discover they have in common is a list of things they wish no one had ever said to them. The lists tend to be remarkably similar. The comments are rarely malicious - just misguided attempts to soothe.

This list was compiled as a way of helping other people understand pregnancy loss. While generated by mothers for mothers, it may also apply similarly to the fathers who have endured this loss.
When trying to help a woman who has lost a baby, the best rule of thumb is a matter of manners: don't offer your personal opinion of her life, her choices, her prospects for children. No woman is looking to poll her acquaintances for their opinions on why it happened or how she should cope.

-Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible.

-Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out.

-Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children.

-Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father?

-Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her.

-Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours.

-Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age.

-Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently.

-Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me.

-Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone.

- Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.

-Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen.

-Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter.

-Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that.

-Do say, "I have lighted a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while. If you're my boss or my co-worker:

-Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition.

-Do recognize that in addition to the physical aftereffects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space.

DO understand if I do not attend baby showers/christening/birthday parties etc. And DON'T ask why I can't come.

Please don't bring your baby or toddler into the workplace. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while."

Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" or "stillbirth"is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me.

OK, so, like I said, I don't want this to be a preachy bummer; just something I want to pass along to the greater Internet.  I've learned a lot from it myself.

And, on a happier note... photos of last weekend.  These were taken at my niece, Carissa's, birthday party.

She said he liked his hair brushed!

 

...a couple of the nephews playing. 

And one of Grandpa with Finn at home:

The boys have a fan base...

The boys seem to love day care, and our day care provider seems to love them!  The other kids are so excited that the twins are there, and they were telling Bob, after work, which one was their "favorite." They both seem to have a fan base. LOL

I feel like I haven't been absent from teaching for 9 months.  After the first couple of hours, I felt like I never left.  I am undecided whether that is good or bad.

I like my classes, so far.  The first week is always the honeymoon stage though. I have my three sections of LA 9, Composition 11 and Creative Writing. 

I took these photos last Thursday.  Both outfits belonged to Bob when he was a baby.  Bob's mom kept them for Bob.

 

Big HUGE ::::sigh:::::::

I go back to work tomorrow. Actually, I am not as worried about tomorrow as I am Monday.  Tomorrow is an inservice.  I think it will feel more like a quick break from the boys.  Monday, however, will be the real deal.  I keep telling myself:

a.  It is only for three months and then I get three months off again.

b.  Our daycare provider is wonderful.  We are unbelievably lucky to find her, and I know the boys will be loved and kept safe.

c.  I really enjoy most of my job.  The challenges of my job keep me on my toes and my brain sharp.  I need that.

d.  I do miss my co-workers.

The glass is half full people!  :-D

...but, I will miss them terribly.  I worry about how I will get everything done and how I will spend enough time with them.  I don't want to miss anything! 

I am apprehensive about getting in front of my 9th graders that have had a different teacher all year.  I am overwhelmed about teaching a new class (Creative Writing) that I have never taught before (I am excited about it too). 

It's been NINE MONTHS since I have been in a classroom.  NINE MONTHS since I have worked.  I haven't gone that long NOT working since I was 16 years old!

.....but the glass is still half full....right?  Yeah, sure, that's right...half full.

Anyway, here are my little monkeys:

And a couple of links:

One inspirational:

The Today Show features Now I Lay me Down to Sleep (3-5-07)

The other two many of you have probably seen and they are for mature audiences only (pg 13) If you like your sketch-type gag comedy clean, move along to cleaner pastures).  Anyway, these made me laugh when I was having a bad night with Finn last week when he was sick:

Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon

Jimmy Kimmell and Ben Affleck

The Twins are THREE MONTHS Today!

A quick late night post....I should be in bed, but I had to edit these tonight.  They were too cute to wait.

...and trying to get them both together didn't go as well as I would have liked.  This was the best one LOL.  I don't call Kian "Leaky" for nothin'.

Hooray for the big 3 month birthday!

Saturday Morning, 9 A.M

Even when he is sick, he gives daddy smiles. (Finn)

The boys are paying attention to toys now and are beginning to find their hands.  They love to bat the toys around, but I don't think they quite realize that the appendages attached to their body are causing it yet. Kian is loving the mirror. "Who is that cute kid looking at me?"(Kian) 

BTW: I know the photos are pretty grainy.  My aversion to flash and the crappy light in our house requires that I use 800 ISO most of the time (at least for snapshot photos of moving babies).

Kian never really got the cold...just a little stuffy and some sneezes. Finn is on the mend as has been for a couple of days.  Thursday was the worst day...followed by Friday.  I fed him on demand and tried to get him to sleep as much as possible.

Now all I need to worry about it going back to work on Friday. 

I don't even want to think about it yet.  I can't believe they are going to start daycare.